Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Grave Encounters (2011)


That's an underground tunnel. A mile long. No exits.

Our Rating:

/omg/omg/omg/omg/omg 

IMDb Rating: 6.1
Rotten Tomatoes: 56%

Duration: 95 minutes

Synopsis: Lance Preston and the crew of "Grave Encounters", a ghost-hunting reality television show, are shooting an episode inside an abandoned mental asylum, reportedly haunted. All in the name of good television, they voluntarily lock themselves inside the building for the night and begin a paranormal investigation, capturing everything on camera.
They quickly realize that the building is more than just haunted - it is alive - and it has no intention of ever letting them leave.


Review:



Okay, this movie was scary. Terrifying even. Gradually, I've come to despise the found footage genre, but this one was just... wow.
The film's setup might've seemed long, but it's entertaining, giving us a funny glimpse into the world of all the 'Paranormal Investigation' shows that we have.

But then amusement swiftly descends into horror as they find themselves trapped. (Seriously though, who the hell agrees to lock themselves in a haunted asylum?  -_-)

The hospital used for shooting the movie is fucking creepy. Well most abandoned buildings are creepy, hospitals doubly so, but this is a goddamn mental asylum. So, yeah. Long dark corridors with empty, dark rooms on all sides, beds with restraints, gibberish on the walls- makes for a pretty picture, doesn't it?

I must say, the jump scares were horrifying, because the tension in the atmosphere isn't just for a few scenes, it's layered throughout the movie like an unwholesome, oppressive slime, building up throughout the movie. Very, very few of the flat, dull patches that you see so often in horror movies.

One of the few times that a movie is actually better than the trailer. Go ahead and watch it:




Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Annabelle (2014)


"Why the f*** would someone buy that doll?!" - Everyone

Our Rating:

/omg/omg

IMDb Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 30%
Metacritic: 37%

Synopsis: John Form finds the 'perfect gift' for his pregnant wife Mia- a rare, vintage doll (Yeah, that's not creepy at all -_- ). But then one evening, their home is invaded by satanic cultists, and blood and terror follow. But that is only the beginning, as the cultists have conjured up a malevolent entity that latches on to the doll...


Review:


So... yeah. Another case of high expectations, I suppose. 
I'd expected this to be at least as scary as The Conjuring, if not better. Annabelle the doll had been one of the more creepier aspects of Conjuring. I came away disappointed.

If the Warrens are to be believed, this is the original, real life Annabelle doll:

Lorraine definitely looks better in the movie :P

The movie version is much more creepy-fied, but it fails to exude the aura of menace that is needed. Very little of the terror comes from the doll itself.

Clichéd plot devices like rocking chairs, appliances switching on and creaking floors abound. Very little of it is genuinely scaring.

There are one or two great moments (such as the one with the elevator) but they are not sufficient to save this otherwise thinly stretched movie.

Annabelle Wallis (LOL) as Mia does an okay job, but it's not really convincing. There are patches where it seems her character is frozen in a shell of non-reaction. Ward Horton as her husband is even less believable.

In short, they made this movie because they could, counting on viewers of the Conjuring to watch it, not because the movie is anything great on its own. 

Annabelle would've been disappointed.





Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Afflicted (2013)



Our Rating:
/omg/omg/omg

IMDb Rating: 6.3 / 10
Rotten Tomatoes: 79%

Duration: 86 minutes



We've had a lot of films in the 'Found Footage' genre recently. And I mean a lot. And frankly, they had been getting as stale as year-old pie. Afflicted has broken that biohazard mold.

So, the film is about two friends who decide to go on an around-the-world trip, and document it as a video travelogue. Mysterious incident occurs, and boom- one of them gets afflicted with a mysterious disease. 

I'd thought for a while that I'd get bored, but the plot picks up quite well. The cinematography is really good, and the actors feel natural. The way Derek's disease develops is amazingly portrayed, with the audience going from 'Ok, weird' to 'Awesome! Superpowers!' to "Arghh! What the f***?!?'.

In the second half of the movie, the story starts to lag a bit when we discover the true nature of Derek's affliction, and it seems a bit cliched for some time. Then you get served with an awesome scene involving dark rooms and walls breaking and SWAT teams and guns blazing. I say no more :D 

A commendable job by the actor-producers, considering that this is an indie film.
Worth the watch.





Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Maid Madeline



There was a mad maid named Madeline,
She was a lunatic and a dunce,
She played with guns and a horse's spine,
And obeyed her elders not once.

Madeline's teacher asked her,
'Do you wish to go to Heaven?'
Madeline said with great fervor,
'Yes, yes, I wish to go to Heaven!'

"Then be a good girl and answer,
What is three times eleven?''
This for hours Madeline did ponder,
Then stabbed the teacher with her pen.

'You'll never go to Heaven!'
the horrified teacher said,
Madeline took her AK-47,
And shot the teacher dead.



Thursday, 24 April 2014

Obsidian Clouds won the Liebster Award!



So, good news, rattle your bones and oil your chains, because Obsidian Clouds just won the Liebster Award!


Many thanks to Cassie Carnage at Cassie Carnage's House of Horror for nominating me for this award, which according to the rules, means I automatically won it, along with ten other excellent bloggers.

So, Liebster. It's a German word (Pronounced leeb-shter according to my brother) meaning something along the lines of 'Dearest' or 'Sweetheart'. The Liebster award was started a few years back by a German Blogger (duh!) as a sort of pat-on-the-back encouragement for new bloggers. 

The Liebster is an award for bloggers from fellow bloggers. If you get nominated, you win! Then you have to nominate eleven other new and upcoming blogs which deserve attention.

So, here are the:

Unofficial Official Rules 


1. Bloggers who have been nominated must link back to the person who nominated them.
Done!

2. Nominees must answer the 11 questions given to them by the person who nominated them.
Why does it have to be 11? I've no idea. But you'll find my list of questions at the bottom.

3. Nominees must also nominate 11 of their favorite bloggers (who have less than 200 followers) and assign them 11 questions to answer.
Hmm... 11 again. (By the way, I've got no idea how to check how many followers a blog has, so if your blog has more than 200, let it slide. I'll make sure no one comes to know.)

4.  You cannot nominate someone who nominated you.
Okay, that makes sense. It would cause a never-ending Internet paradox.

5. You are not in any way obligated to participate.
But don't be spoilsports guys! Spread the cheer!


So, here goes, Cassie's questions:

1. What angers you the most when watching a movie in theaters?
People, obviously. Specifically, people moving in front of you during the crucial scenes.

2. What do you love about watching movies in theaters?
Well, the whole scale of the thing. It's an immersive, filling experience, which you share with a group of people who are just as interested in the movie as you are (hopefully). Also, there are very few annoying interruptions and diversions.

3. Name a movie you never want to watch. Ever.
That Justin Bieber movie. Never. Not even if someone was going to kill me otherwise. Burn that shit in holy oil and bury the ashes on Pluto. Or on an asteroid travelling to another galaxy.

4. Name a movie you're ashamed you haven't seen yet.
Okay, that would have to be Fight Club. Even though I've told people I've seen it. My bad. Truly ashamed.
Thing is, I already read out about the plot twist on a Cracked.com article. Never really got around to seeing it after that.

5. Favorite weekend hangout?
I'm not much of an outdoors guy, and I prefer to spend the weekend reading a good book. Or playing with my dog. Nowadays however, with my studies and all, don't really get time to do that either.

6. Favorite band or music artist for the past week?
Recently, John Mayer. Continuum is awesome.

7. 3D. Yay or Nay?
Nay, at least until better 3D glasses are available in all cinemas. In my opinion, the 3D content really isn't impressive enough to remedy the problem of watching less vivid movies.

8. Name a movie you wish you could have been on the set while it was filming.
I was going to say Jackass, but then I realized what that would entail. Dear God no.
So I would have to say Lord of the Rings. Being on those magnificent sets and locations would be epic.

9. How do you stream movies (Computer, Blu-ray Player, Game Consoles like PS4 and Wii)?
On my computer and tablet. Game consoles and me don't get along.

10. What are your top five favorite movie podcasts to listen to?
Um...okay, I don't really listen to podcasts.

11. Who is your movie celebrity crush? You have to answer for both guys and girls.
Both, eh? Answering from the Boys side, Cameron Diaz. She's funny and beautiful, and can be the very epitome of dumb blonde if she wishes.
From the Girls side, wel... Robert Downey Jr. for obvious reasons. He's funny, smart, handsome...and he's Iron Man.

So, all done! 
Now for the Nominees:


ɸ Liebster Nominees ɸ














Congratulations on winning the Liebster, guys! You're awesome!
Now, here are my questions:

1. Why did you create your blog?
2. What is your source of inspiration?
3. Which is your favorite movie of all time?
4. Which is the movie you're ashamed of never having watched?
5. Which is the one movie that was so bad, you want to delete it from your brain?
6. Which do you think are better, Movies or TV Shows? 
7. Which do you think are better, Books or Ebooks?
8. Which is your favorite artist or band?
9. Favorite actor/actress?
10. The World is ending. What do you do?
11. You are confronted by a dog sized Trex-helicopter hybrid cyborg. What do you do?

That's all folks!
Thanks again for nominating me, Cassie!

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Whisper




They weep, they cry.
You ask: Why?
For You, they reply.
You ask again: But Why?

They weep and cry and and wring their hands.
And say: Behind you She stands.
Who? You ask and turn around.
A Whisper- and your head falls to the ground.



Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Superstitions


Second part of the Tea Party Series. 


Teashanks had been reclining at a corner table at the pub. He waved them over for a chat when they entered.

"It must be the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life!" he  exclaimed after introducing himself, putting down his glass. "Building houses on Shelly's Lane, what's more, at the site of the Shelly hell hole itself! Raving mad you must be!"

"Are you done Mr. Teashanks?" asked Nathan, bored with the same old conversation.

"Oh, come on Nat!" said Leslie, playfully punching him on the shoulder. "What if he's right? What if that place is really haunted?"

"Listen to your girlfriend!" said old Teashanks, "She seems to have a lot more sense than you! Heed my words boy! Demons inhabit that place!"

"Yeah right." chuckled Nathan, sipping his coffee, "I suppose we'll just have to evict the demons then, since the land belongs to our corporation now." He grinned. "Or they can buy the new houses if they're so dead set on staying there."

"Don't joke about this, young man." Mr. Teashanks said sternly. "There is great evil in that place!"

Leslie smiled, "What is so evil about it? What's the story of Shelly's Lane?"

Teashanks leaned back in his chair.

"My Father told me this story when I was a child-" he began.

"A story." snorted Nathan "That's all it is!"

"Nathan! " frowned Leslie,  "Don't interrupt! "
Nathan sighed and drank his beer.

"So as I was saying," continued Teashanks, "Before it was called Shelly Lane, that place used to be called Lemon Lane. The Shellys had a large house there, the husband was a businessman of some sort.
So the Shelly woman, whom the children call Helly Shelly, see, she was crazy. People say she practiced witchcraft. Horrifying she was. Don't know what he saw in her.
Well she got rid of him soon enough . Used witchcraft to kill him soon after their daughter's birth.
And the daughter, my, what a horror! A squint-eyed abomination named Cynthia, born with horns!"

"Seriously? " asked Leslie, a bit amused.

"That's what everyone says. " replied Teashanks. "Well what happened next was, Helly Shelly killed her own daughter for some reason. Ate some parts of her as well. Then she stowed her down in the basement at a tea table, and went on as if nothing had happened.
She secretly started killing poor little innocent boys and girls as well, and seated their corpses at the table to keep her daughter company!"

"Whoa!" Leslie whispered.
Nathan shook his head in exasperation.

"And then when the townspeople finally caught her, she reverted to her true form." Teashanks lowered his voice. "Shelly turned into a demon and flew away! That very night, lightning struck her house, and half the street burned down...
The priest who arrived to cleanse the site with Holy water collapsed and died!
Even years after all this, the people living on Lemon Lane kept dying from mysterious illnesses. There was such a stench th-"

Nathan interrupted him, "That was because of the gases rising from the nearby marsh. We've already drained and filled it up, and the health inspectors have declared the area safe."

"Never knew a bit of marsh gas to drive men insane." said Teashanks, lighting a cigar, "Well.... pretty soon, the whole Lane was abandoned. No one would even dare go there. Those who did came screaming back without their wits.
And now here you are with your bulldozers and machines and your talks of building houses on that accursed land!"

Leslie turned to Nathan. "There had to be some reason why you got that land cheaper than dirt."

The old man turned to Nathan with a serious look on his face.  "Leave Shelly Lane and go back, son." he said, "I'm saying it for your own good. People will get hurt. '

"For God's sake, nothing's going to happen to anyone!" Nathan exclaimed in anger. He got up and walked away.

Leslie looked at Teashanks, then got up and followed  Nathan.

"For your sakes, I hope you are right." said Teashanks quietly.


§§§


Leslie and Nathan went outside after sometime and walked towards their car. Leslie, an art student, had met Nathan an year ago at a renovation site he had been supervising. It had been love at first sight.
Nathan's father owned a construction company, and Nathan had been supervising the building of new houses in the town of Summerhill. He hadn't expected such a high degree of superstitious fear in the townspeople though.

"Baby, do you think there could've been anything in what he said?" Leslie asked Nathan.
"Of course not!" exclaimed Nathan. "It's just a local myth! There was probably a mad woman named Shelly there at some point, but the story's been blown way out of proportion!"

"Yeah. I wonder when these superstitious rumors will stop." sighed Leslie.

Nathan turned to face her.
"I'll tell you what we'll do." he said,  "We'll move into the very house which is being built at the site of the Shelly house." He held her hands. "We'll put an end to these rumors once and for all."

Leslie nodded.
He bent down and kissed her.


§§§


"That was that new architect, wasn't he?" Mr. Morris, the owner of the pub, asked Stella.

"Yeah." said the barmaid. "Weird couple though."

"How so?" Morris asked her.

"Well-" answered Stella, polishing the glasses, "They were behaving really odd, you know having this strange, broken conversation. Really, just Disconnected sentences, staring at the empty chair. And... They were sitting at that table."
"What table?"
"You know... " she said, "Teashanks' table."

Morris suppressed a shiver.
"Yeah. " said Stella, wiping the tabletop, "No one's sat there since he went crazy on Shelly Lane and killed himself."